Yep. Totally screwed.
He knew he should have read the manifest that Woolsey left on his desk of the new staff that was coming on the Daedalus but he didn’t. He was going to do exactly as he done every other time. Deal with it later when he needed to. This time…if he had looked at it, he would have been able to prepare himself for her.
All he wanted to do was just go through the usual speech, give the tour with Lorne and McKay, then drop them off at their assigned rooms. Why oh why did she have to be in his group! Oh yeah. He made Lorne split everyone up so that he didn’t have to. He had his new officers he needed to break in with Ronon yet.
Those eyes. He was always a sucker for them. And of course her smile. He could remember her lips around him…Fuck! Not again. Think about other things Sheppard, he thought as he tried to keep it straight as he led his group around. At least she was hanging back away from him.
Don’t look back there Shep, the voice in his head reminded him.
But what did he do? He looked. Crap. She was wearing her civvies, shorts and those fuck-me heelssandles. Why was she in so little? He vaguely remembered something about Caldwell mentioning their environmental system going crazy. Oh yeah.
Don’t look at her legs… You idiot.
He felt himself harden more and more. Focus on the papers, the tour, then get them to their rooms so that you can get to yours!
Right. Easier said than done. You dirty bastard.
Who was next to drop off? Figures. Hers. Wait, where are we? What?
You’re right around the corner Sheppard. And the infirmary is just one floor up.
Of course she would be put near it. She’s a fucking doctor! But why so close to him.
At last he managed to avoid looking again as they made their way to her door. Of course by not looking at her, his eyes were on everyone and everything else. What are you looking at buddy! She isn’t yours…
Dammit! Sheppard! She isn’t yours either! You were the one that made that choice!
No, he didn’t. Not really. If he didn’t leave, she would have first. Ha!
Fuck. Why did she have to be so good at her job? Because she was dedicated to her work as much as you, but still she had room in her life for you.
You fool. She will likely end up hooking up with one of your men and you can’t do a damn thing about it. And here you thought you were over her.
Of course that was because he didn’t have to see or think about her for over six years. The man was kept busy with other things.
Great! Now she’s tucked away in her room. Drop off two more and you’re done for the day. Get it over with already. Of course he barely made it to inside his door, locking it from any and all access and interruptions.
Dude, pacing isn’t going to help your problem.
Will you shut up?
Nope. Just get it over with.
Ripping his belt off, the man barely got his pants around his knees and leaned against the wall before he collapse. Wrapping his hand around his cock, he let out a moan as he tried to not think about what she might be doing.
He stroked himself slowly, letting his head fall back. Why? He kept asking himself. He didn’t want a relationship. He was never good at them and even when he was with her, it felt different no matter how much he tried to, and did run.
The silence of the room was filled with his grunts as he pumped his cock harder. That voice kept nagging him and he just wanted it to go away.
You were and still are in love with her!
Don’t say that!
Love! Love, love, love…
That voice had to belong to a fucking leprechaun because it would be dancing around in circles right then with some crazy confetti shit.
GUH! Fuck. That was quick. He blinked as he waited for his head to clear. Why did he have the feeling that he would be doing a lot more of that now?
Um. Because you are too chicken shit to go ask her on a real date, to let yourself be happy?
Go fuck yourself.
No thanks! I just watched you fuck yourself! Bet it would have felt better if you fucked her?
Not until you do something about her – and you know you can’t let her go back.
Of course. That was his luck. He needed to tell someone. He knew Ronon wouldn’t say anything but he would have to deal with his teasing for a bit. I can deal with that.
Hours later, after mindless teasing, questions, and general shock, he got the same response from Ronon as that little voice.
John Sheppard was an idiot and he knew that the Ancients were playing probably the biggest joke ever. Of course, it was also fate that sent her to him and he just had to work on mustering the courage to face his past. And he did have every intention to do so…after suffering with his hand and the voice for a few more weeks.