Title: Knowing
Category: TV Shows » Stargate: Atlantis
Author: meekobb
Language: English, Rating: Rated: K+
Genre: Romance/Angst
Published: 10-20-08, Updated: 10-20-08
Chapters: 1, Words: 474


Chapter 1: Chapter 1


I know he’s looking, but he doesn’t know it. Sometimes I wonder if he even realizes that he stares at me. For whatever reason, I am not at unease when it is him that looks, stares. I glance up at him briefly, but he sees me and quickly diverts his attention back to Woosley.

He never pays attention in these meetings, I know. He’s always making faces when Mr. Woosley isn’t looking, drawing pictures on paper, but mostly he stares at me. And I do not mind.

I keep my eyes on the balding man but I watch him from the corner of my eyes. I can see his lips curve down when Mr. Woosley asks me how Kanan and the rest of the rescued Athosians are fairing. The life that sparkled in his eyes briefly lost. Pain, and regret; replacing the life that was there before, even if for a moment before he replaces the mask he dons for the world to see. I am very well aware that he hides his emotions and tries so desperately not to act on them. Perhaps that is why he and Ronon get along so well, sharing a similarly despaired past.

I am thankful for the knock on the meeting room’s door, and the kind Lieutenant that had been seeing over Torren interrupts to hand my child to me. It seems that he became overly fussy and wants his mother’s attention. I sit him in my lap, smiling. My happy, beautiful boy looks around the room, his eyes settling on Ronon and his wild hair. I know Mr. Woosley does not care for the interruption and I assure him that if Torren interrupts too much, then I will take him out. I attempt to return my attention on the meeting again as my own eyes dance from one face to the next before meeting his own. I see his green eyes fall to Torren as his lips gently, and briefly, pull back into a sorrowful smile.

Something inside me wants me to jump up and scream that I wished that it was him, not Kanan who fathered my son. Somewhere along the way since his daring rescue, I learned from his gentle ways with my soul, and my child, that he too wished that he were the one.

The meeting ends and he walks past Torren and I wordlessly. I see easily that he intentionally turns to Doctor McKay to ask him something, as if to justify his escape. It pains me to see my dear friend, my first among these strangers, who trusted me with his life avoiding me so much. He walks across the platform with a false air of confidence, that I know he is not feeling and I am left holding Torren staring after him, crestfallen.